Political opponent of reanimated Hitler disqualified for violating Godwin’s Law

ANAHEIM, CA – With the kickoff of election season right around the corner, the race for the mayor’s office in Anaheim took a surprise turn this week when candidate Mary Daniels (D, R) was unilaterally disqualified for all remaining debates. Daniels, who is running against Adolf Hitler (N) – whose feel-good story of being brought back to life thanks to breakthroughs in cryogenics and neural regeneration has captured the imaginations of voters – was declared ineligible after a panel found her in violation of Godwin’s Law, which prohibits comparing one’s opponent to Hitler and/or the Nazis in any debate, political or otherwise.

“[Daniels’] record speaks for itself,” said debate moderator Stu Henkel. “Just listen to these quotes: ‘My opponent is Hitler.’ ‘My opponent started the Nazi party.’ ‘Mary Daniels: A mayor for Anaheim who didn’t mastermind the Holocaust.’ ‘A vote for Daniels is a vote against Adolf Hitler.’” Continue reading “Political opponent of reanimated Hitler disqualified for violating Godwin’s Law”

The Hottest New Board Games

Published by The New Yorker, April 7, 2015:

Board games are enjoying a renaissance, thanks to the popularization of “Eurogames,” which emphasize analytic strategy in a wide variety of contexts. Here’s a handy guide to some of the hottest such games out right now.

Temp Insanity

Manage scant resources and struggle to overcome formidable odds in this high-risk, low-reward game set in the world of temporary office work. Choose your bachelor-of-arts degree, then divide your precious Hours in the Day among actions such as going to interviews, checking back in, standing by, and cooking beans. Continue reading “The Hottest New Board Games”

Help Us Blow Up the Sun

Published by The Huffington Post, March 5, 2015:

Dear Congressperson,

I’m writing on behalf of Americans for a Brighter Tomorrow to join us in boycotting the upcoming Vernal Equinox. Though seemingly innocuous, the Vernal Equinox is in fact a pseudo-scientific assault upon the work of our benefactor, the brilliant Dr. Clandestino. Rather than celebrate this Stone Age impediment to progress, we urge you to recognize it for what it is: an end-run effort to undermine Dr. Clandestino’s bold plan to blow up the sun. Continue reading “Help Us Blow Up the Sun”

N.S.A. Missed Connections

Published by The New Yorker, September 4, 2013:

The revelations concerning the N.S.A.’s clandestine global-surveillance programs have stoked privacy concerns and increased skepticism about digital communications. Against the background of such heightened sensitivities, a rash of odd posts appeared on Craigslist’s Missed Connections last week, fuelling speculation that the intelligence community has taken to the popular message board to fill the gaps in its data-mining operations.

give me your brown-eyed, your foreign (liberty island)—w4m
You were the guy on Liberty Island last weekend, taking pictures of the Statue of Liberty. You were so cute, the way you used your pay-as-you-go Samsung Galaxy S III to send the photos to various domestic and overseas contacts. Continue reading “N.S.A. Missed Connections”