ANAHEIM, CA – With the kickoff of election season right around the corner, the race for the mayor’s office in Anaheim took a surprise turn this week when candidate Mary Daniels (D, R) was unilaterally disqualified for all remaining debates. Daniels, who is running against Adolf Hitler (N) – whose feel-good story of being brought back to life thanks to breakthroughs in cryogenics and neural regeneration has captured the imaginations of voters – was declared ineligible after a panel found her in violation of Godwin’s Law, which prohibits comparing one’s opponent to Hitler and/or the Nazis in any debate, political or otherwise.
“[Daniels’] record speaks for itself,” said debate moderator Stu Henkel. “Just listen to these quotes: ‘My opponent is Hitler.’ ‘My opponent started the Nazi party.’ ‘Mary Daniels: A mayor for Anaheim who didn’t mastermind the Holocaust.’ ‘A vote for Daniels is a vote against Adolf Hitler.’”
“These are clearly contraventions of Godwin’s Law, and however well-meaning she might be, she needs to be called out them,” said Henkel. “Because really, if she has to bring up Hitler and the Nazis in her press statements, her position must be pretty weak.”
Hitler’s campaign came out characteristically lock-step in favor of the disqualification. “We are frankly disgusted by candidate Daniels’ irresponsibly bombastic statements,” said Hitler spokesman Dick Morris. “These glib references to the unimaginable horrors our candidate visited upon the world in general and Jews in particular trivialize those events, which is something that Adolf Hitler personally will not stand for.” When asked what the people of Anaheim could do to stand against such historical callousness, Morris, with a mischievous grin, chirped, “Vote for Hitler!”
Meanwhile, the Daniels campaign, much to the perplexity of political observers, appears to be holding fast to this strategy that has garnered so much ill will. “Despite this internet rule, I still contend that we ought to use the advantage of historical hindsight to recognize that Adolf Hitler is unfit for public office,” Daniels said at a public appearance this week, to a chorus and boos and jeers. Subsequent, flailing attempts to explain that the controversy is based on a misunderstanding of Godwin’s Law and that her opponent is “literally Hitler” were likewise met with derision.
With Daniels barred from the final debate of the campaign, Hitler will be free to use the event to deliver one of his spirited orations for which he has grown so popular. That, taken along with the resonance of his staunchly anti-immigrant, anti-Treaty of Versailles platform, seems to give Hitler all the momentum going into the heart of the campaign season.
Current polls show Hitler and his running mate for deputy mayor, reanimated Walt Disney, enjoying double-digit leads.